Hey! Quick intro: I've had a super unhealthy relationship with food as long as I can remember... Diagnosed at 14, I didn't make any progress until 18. Then I was okay, but not "normal" until I got pregnant at 19 and I was actually able to eat like a healthy pregnant lady! After my son was born I suddenly became a binge eater...
For the past few months I've been dealing with a lot of stress. Literally everything in my life is being controlled by someone else. I'm now suddenly a single mom with VERY minimal support and everything sucks. I lost some weight due to stress and it triggered the anorexia... I remembered the control aspect and fell right back into it.
My life is so unmanageable right now. I have no energy, no patience, circulation issues, anemia, joint pain, altered mental state, can't sleep... I can't do this again, but nothing seems to help. I'm TOTALLY alone as far as support in my life except for my best friend who actually knows whats going on and has empathy, but no advice. She literally tried to force feed me lean cuisines when we were drunk, lol.
I need to stop because its starting to get in the way of taking care of my son and my habits are rubbing off on him.
Tonight, I decided to make myself a sandwich. I ate the majority of it and I'm REALLY HAPPY however, there is this awful sick feeling in my stomach and I can't deal with it right now. I'm totally comitted to keeping this sandwich in, but its making me not want to eat again... I'd appreciate any advice on this particular issue, as I'd really like to continue eating...
It is great that you are committed to getting better. A good thing to do would be to go in and see a therapist or a nutritionist (or even both!) They can be really helpful, and give you more insight and advice than your friend has to offer. Seeing a therapist may help you get down to the root of the problem, and offer you the support that you need right now. Just know that you are not alone in this. Stay strong .
I agree with trying to find a therapist to talk to...especially while you are willing to talk to someone and get help! That is important because as we all know, no one can force us to do anything when it comes to the ED! I was VERY reluctant at first to talk to someone that I thought would never understand, but I was pleasantly surprised. We tend to think that an ED gives us a sense of control, when in reality it is a loss of control. It takes over, and once again we have no control after a certain point. Recovery should definitely be something that you do for yourself, not for others, but I believe in certain situations (like yourself) there can be people that give us the motivation to get better. Just think of all the things you and your son will be able to do when you have a positive outlook on things and actually have the energy to go out and do them! As far as eating goes, it will be uncomfortable for a while. But when you realize that you are giving your body the things it needs, you will start to feel the difference and the uncomfortable feeling won't last forever! Part of recovery is doing things that make us uncomfortable, because we've been doing the same behaviors for so long that we don't know any different. Please don't give up the fight against the eating disorder that you've begun...you've overcome it before so you know that you are capable of doing it!! I'm glad you decided to join the forum, there are many people here to support and listen. Good luck in your recovery, and never be too ashamed to ask for help!!