A little over a month ago, I was diagnosed with "eating disorder not otherwise specified".
Interesting title, I thought. And appropriate too, since rather than fall neatly into only one e.d. category, I had spanned them all: in the past 5 years I had gone from restrictive dieting to the point of (possibly irreversible) physical damage, to purging in the form of excessive excercise after eating, to binging on an almost daily basis. The term "a love-hate relationship" does not even begin to describe how I felt about food. But, it was, still is, the only thing in my life that I have absolute control over; at least, that's what I keep telling myself. As a 16-year-old college freshman, I have been struck with countless blows to my self-confidence, what with being the youngest, having the most protective parents, and just feeling really alone. Food became my hobby, my obsession. It didn't help that I was really chubby as a kid, and was constantly encouraged by my family and doctor to get "healthy". The OCD demon within me took that suggestion to a dangerous and self-destructive level. Counting calories, weighing food, and scrutinizing every crease and roll on my body were daily actions.
Currently I am undergoing cognitive behavioral therapy, with the help of a psychologist at the Stanford clinic. It's funny, psych is the very major I am pursuing, and here I am in a liscenced therapist's office seeking help. Even more funny is the whole point of this treatment: to revise my way of thinking. To undo all the damage of self-hate, self-scrutiny, and obsession, and start life over again. It'll be difficult, but my doctor and family have faith in me. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
I joined this forum because I really really hope I am not alone in my struggles. Actually, that's not true. I would never wish for anyone else to go through what I am going through. I just...am tired of feeling so isolated. And I know recovery is possible. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
It's good to be here.
"In order to become the world's greatest hero, you must first become your own."
youre not alone. everyday is a struggle; it seems like i wake up thinking about food and go to bed thinking about food. and i am soooooo sick of thinking about it! no one around me understands how i feel which makes things even worse. this website has helped a little though; its comforting to have someone that can relate to you. hang in there!
When I first got diagnosed I was diagnosed with an eating disorder not otherwise specified and it made me think " oh great something else that I have that is not like everyone else I am sure no one understands." You will come to see that is quite the opposite many people are diagnosed with that and the deep down point is that how ever you say it you have an eating disorder. It is amazing that your family supports you because it will help in the journey you have ahead. I want you to know that recovery and leading a fulfilling life is possible I have been recovered for a few years now. It took awhile to get here but the journey is worth it to get to the end result. Thinking positive is the best thing you can do. I am not going to lie and say you wont have some up days and some down days because stress is a part of life but if you turn that stress into something you learn froma nd move on it will make all the difference. I tell everyone this so I am going to tell you too.. every night before you go to bed say out load or in your head all the things you are grateful for.. some nights you will have one thing some nights you will have lots of things but it is in these times you are training your mind to think of the positives and to see not everything in our life is awful. It will really help change those thought patterns and bring you up when you are down.. telling yourself you are beautiful inside and out is difficult but I know you will get to the point where you believe to be true! Good luck I have faith you can do it!~
thanks great advice
If you don't try, you'll wonder why<3